Review | 2011.05.05


...but not really. The newest installment of the quintessential Speed Night saga hit theaters on Friday. Though CS made it to the movie, I'll be flying alone on this review:


Rides (8) 5f5f nearly matches Thunderbolt and Redline in displaying a remarkable assortment of hardware. The series keeps to its roots with an Nsx, Supra, Skyline, and Impreza. The movie stays true to Brian's unnatural love of Skylines, but winds back the clock and features a gorgeous 70s gt-r throughout the film.

Toretto's iconic Charger returns but isn't the only proper muscle car. The opening sequence serves an appropriate demise to a unlucky Stringray. And the plot is green flagged by the mystery of the stolen GT40 - bonus points for it not being a GT.

Exotics had representation, with scenes showcasing a GT3 RS, LFA, and a pair of Koenigseggissegggnignigsegigiseggggs.

The film sees extensive use of a Knight XV and brief use of a... well... springy flatbed truck thing - creativity points.

Authenticity (6) If the ideal Speed Night movie were 110 octane (confusing at first blush, but feasible with an explanation), Fast Five burns through several drums of 120. The action is sufficiently over the top to fit the series, but reasonable enough to not be a farce. Indeed, I found myself nitpicking the misuse of 'overwatch' and the DSS commando's long distance first-shot kill of a baddie with his hip-fired p90.

And while the final chase sequence will have you questioning the strength of steel cable, its not too distracting. Just, kids, please remember that if you're spinning the rear wheels because you're towing something very heavy, hitting the nawwwz will not give you any more traction (except in NFS: Hot Pursuit).

I have to sadly give a marginal point boost to authenticity for the scene where the GT40, recently reassembled by the gmen, is shown with a collection of tools sitting on its hood. Cringe! Happily, these points are nullified by the post-credits teaser.

Mulheres (6) Mia has a nice smile, but in terms of providing eye candy she phones this one in. Gisele, however, puts in the overtime needed to occasionally stop ogling the rides. She brings it all: hotness, kick-assery, fast driving, and a savory bikini scene. Elena isn't bad, but her part is nothing to write home about.

One-liners (5) It must be said that this installment of the franchise has the most charming dialog. Since everyone is old friends now, there's constant ribbing, e.g. a Tyrese and Luda exchange: -"Martin Luther King wants his car back." -"Rick James wants his jacket back." The Rock has a few decent quips scattered about his reprisal of Tommy Lee Jones's Fugitive character. But while the dialog is the best of the series on the whole, it falls short of being quotable. A F&F film should have cheesy street racer lines and prophetic reflections by Dom and Han, this one has neither.


Action sequences (8)
This Fast and Furious movie is, in essence, The Italian Job/Ocean's 11. There action consists of a heist and getting away from the cops. The not-action consists of planning the heist. There are too many characters and too much heisting to spend any time on character development or plot depth. And that's certainly not terrible.

5f5f has some spectacular, high budget scenes that feature more smashed cars than a UC parking lot. There's hand-to-hand combat, gunfights, and ancillary races that keep the tension high. I'd like to thank whomever thought it was a good idea to mic the rear wheels in the final chase scene, the hopping tires are a nice touch.

If I could ask for anything it would be a greater diversity of cars used in the driving sequences, we mostly see Chargers and the Knight.

Star power (9) This one features every F&F character you ever cared about and then a few more. The series picks up The Rock and the "Latin Jack Ryan", the latter does well to add depth to a very archetypal villain. But yeah, major points for scoring all the big names: Vin, Paul Walker, Tyrese, Luda, and The Rock as well as lesser-known returning characters Mia, Vince, Han, and Gisele.

7+
The Fast and the Furious (7.7): Genre-defining, quotable, unreal
Gumball Rally (7.5): Still relevant
Initial D (7.1): Cult, riveting, but no shine
Thunderbolt (7.0): Over the top for better and worse
Fast Five (7.0): Like a 6L that makes 400hp
6+
Days of Thunder (6.7): Pretty good but not very pretty
Fast and Furious (6.3): New model, original problems
Ronin (6.3): Left in the briefcase: girls, rides, one-liners
Mad Max (6.2): Brutal action, no frills
Truth in 24 (6.2): Good, but too much truth for speed night
5+
Redline (5.7): Fantastic if watched in a foreign language
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (5.6): Sexy, but unfulfilling
2 Fast 2 Furious (5.3): 2 phony
4+
Driven (4.9): Succeeds in everything unrelated to cars
Death Race 2000 (4.0): If only they were just racing across town
3+
Movin' Too Fast (3.3): Well, it has a couple cars


In other news, the kitchen skylight is now painted, wired, and illuminated by the Tiella cables. All thats left is some touch up.

Cable light fixture box Light recess Skylight box Cable lights under skylight

Halo Risk is pretty good. The notable variations from OG Risk:
Wtf Panda?

And I photoed some more flag:

thumbnail Flag football throw thumbnail Flag football juke thumbnail Flag football catch thumbnail Flag football toss
thumbnail Flag football reach



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